Preparing for a CPAP

Last night Ali said that getting the cpap could be a life changing event and for the first time that sounded good instead of scary. I was stuck in the idea that a cpap would mean drudgery—one more chore to take care of.  But that is not life changing; that is habit changing.  My hope is that a cpap will give me new energy: that I would start to give a damn about something again, that my overall health would improve, that I would be able to walk longer, that I would want to, would try to do more than just sit in my chair and read.

I started WW again.  It’s a shock to me that this process means so much change.  I want to lose weight so I can walk more (I see a theme here).  I realize the changes I make have to be permanent but doing something for the rest of your life has a different meaning at 76 than it does when you are at 20, 30, or 40, etc.  Doing something for the rest of your life is really just a short time.  I find humor in that.

This has been a week of revelations. I don’t  have a good track record when it comes to sustaining anything (snort—think crafts, ukulele, autoharp, this blog, etc) but these are revelations I need to sustain.  One day at a time. One chore (activity) at a time. One cup of coffee, one shower, one meal, one project at a time.  My mantra has been “Do what you need to do to take care of yourself”.  That has been working well for me to keep me moving, if not forward at least still moving.  What does it mean when you have to force yourself to do rudimentary self care?  I have kept my orchid alive for three weeks! Keep on trucking.  Maybe the cpap will make it easier.  Maybe the cpap will help me to want to.