Waiting

Over Sunday night/Monday morning I had the run through with the cpap and it went pretty well.  I got a decent night’s sleep despite having to use the bathroom three times while having 27 wires hanging off my head, face, and other body parts.  Tuesday I had some pulmonary function tests (I’m ok),  had a doctor’s appt., went to the library, went to the grocery store, and had dinner with the kids and for some reason went home whupped.  I think the albuterol gave me energy until it wore off.  Now I just wait for the next step in Carol’s life changing adventure.  The next step is a chat with the sleep study doctor.  After that I talk to the medical supply folks to choose my cpap machine.

The next co-adventure I am on is I rejoined Weight Watchers.  Again.  I remember when WW was founded.  They gave us a list of what we could eat.  Sauerkraut was ok.  No Smart Ones meals, colorful newsletters, or handy kitchen gadgets.  Just a list.  We met in the basement of an apartment building.  I maintain it’s like AA but about food.  Still is but it’s ok.  I forgot how hard it is to get started.  And with my low energy level I put off eating until I get woozy.  Tonight, however, I am going to grill chicken breasts, salmon, eggplant, zuchinni and a mushroom.  That should give me meals for the rest of the week.

The weather is beautiful today.  Life is good. And the orchid is still alive.

Ready to go

I’ve got my jammies, pillow, water bottle, tissue, acetaminophen and I’m ready to head out the door.  I’m supposed to go to the Emergency Room and ask them to call the Sleep Center.  The only fly in the ointment is that I can’t walk all the way to the Center from the Emergency Room.  My back is a mess.  It shouldn’t interfere with the test.  Just suck it up Buttercup.  Ask for a wheelchair.  It’s a hospital.  Jeeze.  Tune in tomorrow for further adventures.

Preparing for a CPAP

Last night Ali said that getting the cpap could be a life changing event and for the first time that sounded good instead of scary. I was stuck in the idea that a cpap would mean drudgery—one more chore to take care of.  But that is not life changing; that is habit changing.  My hope is that a cpap will give me new energy: that I would start to give a damn about something again, that my overall health would improve, that I would be able to walk longer, that I would want to, would try to do more than just sit in my chair and read.

I started WW again.  It’s a shock to me that this process means so much change.  I want to lose weight so I can walk more (I see a theme here).  I realize the changes I make have to be permanent but doing something for the rest of your life has a different meaning at 76 than it does when you are at 20, 30, or 40, etc.  Doing something for the rest of your life is really just a short time.  I find humor in that.

This has been a week of revelations. I don’t  have a good track record when it comes to sustaining anything (snort—think crafts, ukulele, autoharp, this blog, etc) but these are revelations I need to sustain.  One day at a time. One chore (activity) at a time. One cup of coffee, one shower, one meal, one project at a time.  My mantra has been “Do what you need to do to take care of yourself”.  That has been working well for me to keep me moving, if not forward at least still moving.  What does it mean when you have to force yourself to do rudimentary self care?  I have kept my orchid alive for three weeks! Keep on trucking.  Maybe the cpap will make it easier.  Maybe the cpap will help me to want to.